Romance, Wabi-Sabi, and the Unglorification of Perfectionism

This is Jessica Lazarus.  She's getting married in October.  I wish I could say that this was yet another romance sparked by a feng shui cure, but nope, I only met her two days ago.

Coincidentally, it was at an engagement party.  (We were celebrating Angela Karen, Birmingham photographer, the gorgeous blonde in the background, who is getting married in May.)

I wanted to meet Jessica because of her HAIR.  It's red and pretty.  Again, coincidentally, it turns out that Jessica is a hair stylist and make-up artist and that, according to Angie, she is THE red expert in Birmingham.

She and I became fast friends, and as conversations go, Jessica asked me what I did for a living, and I told her that I was a feng shui consultant.  She lit up, as some people do, and she told me about her beloved home.   She and her fiancé live together in a older, more "charming" house on the edge of Forest Park and Avondale (Forest Park to him, Avondale to her) and she described how she wants everything "perfect" (i.e. the wall art can never get straight enough) and that her husband is a sort of happy-go-lucky free-for-all type who says that it's all good...it's wabi-sabi.

"Wabi-sabi?" I asked.  "Is that how he describes your relationship...or the house?"

Jessica smiled largely.  "Well, I meant the house, but I guess it could apply to our relationship too!"

You see, I had no idea what wabi-sabi meant.    It's Japanese, I knew, but only because it was the name of a sushi restaurant in Venice, CA where I used to reside.

I was intrigued.  "What do you mean?  I mean, what does IT mean?  Wabi-sabi."  My heart rate was going up.  I could tell we were hitting on something good and juicy and feng shui-y.

She kept smiling (she really has a charming smile) and said, "I don't know.  Trey says it's like the 'perfect imperfection,' like perfect is imperfect or the imperfections make a place perfect."

Ah-ha this was it!  After all, I often encounter people who think that their houses have to be PERFECT in order for it to have good feng shui.   And I'm like, "No, no, no.  Then it would NOT be good feng shui."

Furthermore, people are always saying to me, "YOUR home must be perfect."

And I'm like, "No it's not!  It's really not.  Trust me."  Then I wink and say, "But of course, it has good feng shui."

So, on this serendipitous evening, surrounded by bride-to-be's, I discover this word -- a beautiful, melodic, foreign, fun WORD -- for this concept of perfection being imperfect and imperfection being perfect.  Oh, how I love a paradox!


WABI- SABI.  There really is no real English translation for it.  There is only description.  I searched online for attempts at definitions.  While Wikipedia was satisfactory, this one was my favorite:

From NobleHarbor:

Pared down to its barest essence, wabi-sabi is the Japanese art of finding beauty in imperfection and profundity in nature, of accepting the natural cycle of growth, decay, and death. It's simple, slow, and uncluttered-and it reveres authenticity above all. Wabi-sabi is flea markets, not warehouse stores; aged wood, not Pergo; rice paper, not glass. It celebrates cracks and crevices and all the other marks that time, weather, and loving use leave behind. It reminds us that we are all but transient beings on this planet-that our bodies as well as the material world around us are in the process of returning to the dust from which we came. Through wabi-sabi, we learn to embrace liver spots, rust, and frayed edges, and the march of time they represent.    ---- -architect Tadao Anode

Poetry, I tell ya.

source

Trust me, I'm still absorbing what the concept of wabi-sabi means, but I can tell you that, as far as feng shui goes, the word has inspired me to reinforce to you that a "perfect," Pinterest-worthy home may not be good feng shui.   A lived-in, happy, and (gasp) even outdated home, with quirks and imperfections, but a good flow, a humble presence, gracious hosts, and plenty of authenticity, may just be the best feng shui of all.

(This all being said, wabi-sabi is not an excuse for you not getting that annoying leak fixed nor allow the paint to chip all over the home.)

The point is, your home is as unique as you are.  None of us are perfect, and in this society, with its air-brushed bikini bodies and manicured lawns, we can forget that our imperfections -- and our homes' imperfections -- are well, what make us perfect.

What does this all have to do with Romance?  Interestingly, when I was 16, I met a girl my age who was raised in Europe, so naturally she had different sensibilities that I did, and she was in love, and I found her strangely wise.  She said to me once, about her boyfriend, "I love him because of his flaws.  It's his flaws that make him who he is.  And I love him for them."

And it's stuck with me ever since.




Congrats to both Angela and Jessica on your upcoming nuptials!  May the spirit of wabi-sabi be with you both!  xooxox

A Feng Shui Wedding

I love love.

I really do.

Therefore, the Playing Cupid part of my job is just-so-fun.

For those of you unfamiliar on the workings of a feng shui consultation, when a client comes to me, I don’t start by rearranging furniture.

I start by asking them their objectives, a.k.a. what they want to improve or manifest in their lives.  

In this case, this particular young woman – the brilliant Heather Goldberg of Spork Foods – was tired of dating Mr. Wrong after Mr. Wrong, and was finally ready for ever-lasting love.

She wanted the fairy tale ending.

I’d say she got it.  This photo was taken three days ago.

FACT:  Two years ago, she called me for a feng shui cure for romance.  

OTHER FACT:  She met her groom THAT WEEK!

Once upon a time very swiftly became happily ever after thanks to some ridiculously simple feng shui cures.

Yes, yes, yes. 

I’ll share the cures with you, but only if you read to the bottom of the blog, okay?

Here goes:

1.     She already had these paintings, which are a pair (ahem, a pair is good for Romance), and are the colors significant to the Romance gua. (pinks, reds, and whites).  

And look!  There’s a diamond ring on them!   While these paintings may not be the typical images for “love and marriage,” (neurons?) I didn’t see anything harmful in its message, so I suggested she give them a whirl.

2.     How perfect!  She already had this box with the word “LOVE” etched on the top.  Precious.  I told her to write down the qualities she wished for in a man on little pieces of paper and place them in there.

3.     Now she had created a little love vignette to attract her future groom!   On the nightstand they went, which also happened to fall into the Romance section of her bedroom according to the bagua map, and VOILA!

….THAT SAME WEEK, she met the man you see standing by her side at the altar. 

The wedding was beautiful, the bride stunning and beaming, the groom handsome and grinning, the dancing divine, and the food (vegan!) fabulous, the guests glowing.

Now….here is an interesting side fact, and why I wanted you to keep reading.  While mingling with friends and family at the wedding, I discovered that the fair bride had shared this particular cure to some of her single friends some while back, in hopes that it would work for them too.  You know, the part about making a list and putting it in a “love box.”   Talking to two “participants,” one young lady had had success and found her current and lasting boyfriend, where the other had not.

WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?  Why do some cures work for some people and not for others??!?!

To begin, Heather was READY.  I mean, ready.  The quality of the tone in her voice when she called me, plus the fact that she went into action immediately setting the cures, helped a lot.  She was razor-sharp decisive.  She wanted to get married.  Period.

Also, the rest of her home was “feng-shui-ready.”  Just because the Romance section is decorated with hearts and lovebirds does not mean that the rest of the home is clear of “romantic blocks.”  For example, take a look at your Self-Knowledge section.   Without a strong sense of self, how can you know what you want in a partner?   Or what about clutter?  Clutter can be the death of everything, no matter where you find it.

The point is, romance, or lack of, can show up in hidden places throughout the home, so please don’t think that adding some pieces of paper to a box is all you have to do! 

Of course, in this woman’s case, it worked and her wish came true almost instantaneously, but that was because she was 85% there already…and it showed in her home.

While there may be some layers to go through, and there may be some resistance in implementing certain cures, and a little more effort than placing traits into a Love box, feng shui always yields results in some form or another.

So the question remains:  Do you really want the fairy tale ending?  Or not?

Congratulations, Heather and Josh Bell!!!  Love y'all...

Good.  Because I expect more wedding invitations in the mail, please.  J