Romance, Wabi-Sabi, and the Unglorification of Perfectionism

This is Jessica Lazarus.  She's getting married in October.  I wish I could say that this was yet another romance sparked by a feng shui cure, but nope, I only met her two days ago.

Coincidentally, it was at an engagement party.  (We were celebrating Angela Karen, Birmingham photographer, the gorgeous blonde in the background, who is getting married in May.)

I wanted to meet Jessica because of her HAIR.  It's red and pretty.  Again, coincidentally, it turns out that Jessica is a hair stylist and make-up artist and that, according to Angie, she is THE red expert in Birmingham.

She and I became fast friends, and as conversations go, Jessica asked me what I did for a living, and I told her that I was a feng shui consultant.  She lit up, as some people do, and she told me about her beloved home.   She and her fiancé live together in a older, more "charming" house on the edge of Forest Park and Avondale (Forest Park to him, Avondale to her) and she described how she wants everything "perfect" (i.e. the wall art can never get straight enough) and that her husband is a sort of happy-go-lucky free-for-all type who says that it's all good...it's wabi-sabi.

"Wabi-sabi?" I asked.  "Is that how he describes your relationship...or the house?"

Jessica smiled largely.  "Well, I meant the house, but I guess it could apply to our relationship too!"

You see, I had no idea what wabi-sabi meant.    It's Japanese, I knew, but only because it was the name of a sushi restaurant in Venice, CA where I used to reside.

I was intrigued.  "What do you mean?  I mean, what does IT mean?  Wabi-sabi."  My heart rate was going up.  I could tell we were hitting on something good and juicy and feng shui-y.

She kept smiling (she really has a charming smile) and said, "I don't know.  Trey says it's like the 'perfect imperfection,' like perfect is imperfect or the imperfections make a place perfect."

Ah-ha this was it!  After all, I often encounter people who think that their houses have to be PERFECT in order for it to have good feng shui.   And I'm like, "No, no, no.  Then it would NOT be good feng shui."

Furthermore, people are always saying to me, "YOUR home must be perfect."

And I'm like, "No it's not!  It's really not.  Trust me."  Then I wink and say, "But of course, it has good feng shui."

So, on this serendipitous evening, surrounded by bride-to-be's, I discover this word -- a beautiful, melodic, foreign, fun WORD -- for this concept of perfection being imperfect and imperfection being perfect.  Oh, how I love a paradox!


WABI- SABI.  There really is no real English translation for it.  There is only description.  I searched online for attempts at definitions.  While Wikipedia was satisfactory, this one was my favorite:

From NobleHarbor:

Pared down to its barest essence, wabi-sabi is the Japanese art of finding beauty in imperfection and profundity in nature, of accepting the natural cycle of growth, decay, and death. It's simple, slow, and uncluttered-and it reveres authenticity above all. Wabi-sabi is flea markets, not warehouse stores; aged wood, not Pergo; rice paper, not glass. It celebrates cracks and crevices and all the other marks that time, weather, and loving use leave behind. It reminds us that we are all but transient beings on this planet-that our bodies as well as the material world around us are in the process of returning to the dust from which we came. Through wabi-sabi, we learn to embrace liver spots, rust, and frayed edges, and the march of time they represent.    ---- -architect Tadao Anode

Poetry, I tell ya.

source

Trust me, I'm still absorbing what the concept of wabi-sabi means, but I can tell you that, as far as feng shui goes, the word has inspired me to reinforce to you that a "perfect," Pinterest-worthy home may not be good feng shui.   A lived-in, happy, and (gasp) even outdated home, with quirks and imperfections, but a good flow, a humble presence, gracious hosts, and plenty of authenticity, may just be the best feng shui of all.

(This all being said, wabi-sabi is not an excuse for you not getting that annoying leak fixed nor allow the paint to chip all over the home.)

The point is, your home is as unique as you are.  None of us are perfect, and in this society, with its air-brushed bikini bodies and manicured lawns, we can forget that our imperfections -- and our homes' imperfections -- are well, what make us perfect.

What does this all have to do with Romance?  Interestingly, when I was 16, I met a girl my age who was raised in Europe, so naturally she had different sensibilities that I did, and she was in love, and I found her strangely wise.  She said to me once, about her boyfriend, "I love him because of his flaws.  It's his flaws that make him who he is.  And I love him for them."

And it's stuck with me ever since.




Congrats to both Angela and Jessica on your upcoming nuptials!  May the spirit of wabi-sabi be with you both!  xooxox

A Feng Shui Wedding

I love love.

I really do.

Therefore, the Playing Cupid part of my job is just-so-fun.

For those of you unfamiliar on the workings of a feng shui consultation, when a client comes to me, I don’t start by rearranging furniture.

I start by asking them their objectives, a.k.a. what they want to improve or manifest in their lives.  

In this case, this particular young woman – the brilliant Heather Goldberg of Spork Foods – was tired of dating Mr. Wrong after Mr. Wrong, and was finally ready for ever-lasting love.

She wanted the fairy tale ending.

I’d say she got it.  This photo was taken three days ago.

FACT:  Two years ago, she called me for a feng shui cure for romance.  

OTHER FACT:  She met her groom THAT WEEK!

Once upon a time very swiftly became happily ever after thanks to some ridiculously simple feng shui cures.

Yes, yes, yes. 

I’ll share the cures with you, but only if you read to the bottom of the blog, okay?

Here goes:

1.     She already had these paintings, which are a pair (ahem, a pair is good for Romance), and are the colors significant to the Romance gua. (pinks, reds, and whites).  

And look!  There’s a diamond ring on them!   While these paintings may not be the typical images for “love and marriage,” (neurons?) I didn’t see anything harmful in its message, so I suggested she give them a whirl.

2.     How perfect!  She already had this box with the word “LOVE” etched on the top.  Precious.  I told her to write down the qualities she wished for in a man on little pieces of paper and place them in there.

3.     Now she had created a little love vignette to attract her future groom!   On the nightstand they went, which also happened to fall into the Romance section of her bedroom according to the bagua map, and VOILA!

….THAT SAME WEEK, she met the man you see standing by her side at the altar. 

The wedding was beautiful, the bride stunning and beaming, the groom handsome and grinning, the dancing divine, and the food (vegan!) fabulous, the guests glowing.

Now….here is an interesting side fact, and why I wanted you to keep reading.  While mingling with friends and family at the wedding, I discovered that the fair bride had shared this particular cure to some of her single friends some while back, in hopes that it would work for them too.  You know, the part about making a list and putting it in a “love box.”   Talking to two “participants,” one young lady had had success and found her current and lasting boyfriend, where the other had not.

WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?  Why do some cures work for some people and not for others??!?!

To begin, Heather was READY.  I mean, ready.  The quality of the tone in her voice when she called me, plus the fact that she went into action immediately setting the cures, helped a lot.  She was razor-sharp decisive.  She wanted to get married.  Period.

Also, the rest of her home was “feng-shui-ready.”  Just because the Romance section is decorated with hearts and lovebirds does not mean that the rest of the home is clear of “romantic blocks.”  For example, take a look at your Self-Knowledge section.   Without a strong sense of self, how can you know what you want in a partner?   Or what about clutter?  Clutter can be the death of everything, no matter where you find it.

The point is, romance, or lack of, can show up in hidden places throughout the home, so please don’t think that adding some pieces of paper to a box is all you have to do! 

Of course, in this woman’s case, it worked and her wish came true almost instantaneously, but that was because she was 85% there already…and it showed in her home.

While there may be some layers to go through, and there may be some resistance in implementing certain cures, and a little more effort than placing traits into a Love box, feng shui always yields results in some form or another.

So the question remains:  Do you really want the fairy tale ending?  Or not?

Congratulations, Heather and Josh Bell!!!  Love y'all...

Good.  Because I expect more wedding invitations in the mail, please.  J

Move a Plant, Get a Date

Roots Thru Rocks

I love witnessing Ah-Ha Feng Shui moments of clients.  You know, those magical episodes when they realize:  Holy #@%*!!!  Feng Shui WORKS!

Here's one recent occasion:
I gave a free teleclass on Romance a couple of months ago and opened the floor to questions at the end.  One lovely lady commented, "I have an ugly air conditioner unit in my Romance section [of the bagua map].  I can't stand it, but I am renting.  What do I do?  Do I cover it up?  Is this affecting my Romance."

I responded that this would probably need to be a case where I'd have to see it, but indeed, if the landlord won't remove it, covering it in some fashion would help alleviate the dread of seeing it every day.  Plus she didn't want a "chilly" romance, did she?

Alas,  I ran into this lady at a fun event here in Birmingham recently.  She told me of a handsome fellow she had her eye on but that he was being wishy-washy.  (Her words.)  She then said, "But I covered up the air conditioner.  I put a tree in front of it."

I made a face.

She said, "What was that face for?  Tell me!"

Well...

I explained that the Romance section of the Bagua is an "Earth" energy.  Each section aligns with a particular element: Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, or Water.  These elements work together, either "feeding" the other, or "damaging" it.

In the case of Earth, Wood damages it.  Think of roots of a tree -- they are breaking up the Earth.

Source

So no, plants and trees are not good in the Romance section (in general).

She immediately removed the tree!

And THE NEXT DAY (no lie), he emailed her committing to a weekend-out-of-town HOT DATE that he had been wavering on!!!

My client was beside herself -- not only because the date was going to be HOT, but because she was amazed at how quickly the feng shui worked!

She sent me this photo with a text:  [Oh, by the way]..."When I moved the plant I put this double crystal in the corner FYI."

Yay!  Extra points!  This crystal represents Earth (being a rock) AND it's signifies a pair, which of course, in romance, is what we want:  a pair.

I asked her:  "Did you set the intention of romance when you placed it?"

She answered with a resounding, "Yes ma'am!"

Fool proof.  Done.

So now:
Check YOUR Romance section!  When standing at the front door to your home, looking in, what is in the back right section?  That's the Romance section of the Bagua map.  Make sure it's rocking!  (Pun intended.)

Feng Shui & Love: Overview

On August 27, I hosted a teleclass over the phone on Love & Romance.  We had a blast!  For those of you unable to make it, here's a brief summary of what we covered.

When a client's objective is to improve their love lives, whether they be single, in a relationship or marriage, or going through a break up or divorce, I first hone in on the two following places in their home:
1.  the bedroom &

Designed by Suzanne Kasler

2.  the back right section of the home.  (See my previous post on the Bagua & Romance for more details on this.)

Bedrooms are representative of Romance for obvious reasons.  (Ahem, it's called an intimate relationship for a reason.)

 I might soften this with a fluffy rug of some sort to keep a balance of yin/yang.  Source

Here's a checklist for the bedroom regarding Romance:
1.  Nothing under the bed.
2.  Two nightstands, representing balance
3.  Nurturing feel -- not too yin (feminine) and not too yang (masculine)
4.  Limited electronics.  NO work (i.e. laptop/desk) and no TV!
5.  No family photos.  You don't want your mum watching, do you?!
6.  No king beds.  (It's two twin put together -- represents a divide.)
7.  And of course, feng shui rule numero uno: no clutter.

In general, ask yourself this question of your bedroom:  Does it feel romantic?  Does it invite a partner into my life (okay...bed)?  Does it make someone feel welcome?

Another one by S. Kasler.  Imagine it at night, lit with candles.  Adding red roses would bring in passion.

Next up:  the Romance section of your bagua.
Take into account the following for that section:
1.  Be aware of anything that screams "single"....i.e. one chair, one strikingly single lamp, etc.

Uh, where's the love(seat) here?  Source

2.  Things in pairs are ideal, whether it's two candles, two flowers in a vase, or some nice artwork representing a pair.
3.  Colors:  Red, white, & pink are the typical "Romance" colors, but anything in Earth tones work as well.

a lovely sampling of Earth tones (minus that light blue)...  Source

4.  Elements to have:  Earth.  Containers, rocks, crystals, heavy items, and perhaps items in Earth-type colors will represent this element.  AND Fire.  Candles, flowers, bright colors (in doses of course) are all great for this section.
5.  Element to avoid:  Wood.  Too many plants, vertical lines, and colors in bright clear tones (such as green) should be AVOIDED in this section.  Wood "breaks up" Earth.

Please note:  the Self-Knowledge section should also be tended to when considering Intimate Relationships.  It's the front left section of the home according to the bagua map, and this is where single items are good!  When you know yourself, you have more to offer in a relationship and you will choose partners wisely, if single.  Again, Earth is the element in Self-Knowledge, so again, Earth and Fire should be represented, and Wood avoided.

If going through a break-up and wanting to move a divorce forward, consider avoiding pairs in the Romance section for the duration of time that you believe will be helpful for you.  When ready to manifest a new partner, implement the pairs again.

Single is sometimes very appropriate.  Great for Self-Knowledge too. source

One more important fact:  If you have many things from past lovers decorating your home and tucked into drawers, let them go!  It could mean that you are holding on emotionally to these past relationships, and that it is blocking you from allowing in someone new and better.  Be tough with yourself and donate, sell, recycle, or give away these items.

As always in Feng Shui, cures are not black and white but vary highly from person to person.  Furthermore, intention goes a long way, so when lighting those two candles or placing those two flowers, affirm that you are lighting them for an awesome love life!

I hope these little tips help a lot! Thanks for reading...

xoxo,
K

For more, read this previous post on bedrooms, titled More Sleep & Better Sex, Yes Please.

OH!  And there are two more FREE tele classes: Sept 3rd and 10th.  Email katierogersfengshui@gmail.com for more info.  Call in!  First up:  MONEY....

Move Your Stuff, Make a Wish!

Bippity, boppity, boo!  If your fairy godmother were to descend upon you right now, what would you wish for?  While feng shui is not exactly “magic” per se, it can help you to manifest your deepest desires.

You may be saying: “Yeah right!  How can moving around objects in my house do that?”  

Perhaps an example would better explain.

One client wanted a boyfriend.  She was in her mid-twenties, friendly, attractive and successful, yet she seemed to be “blocked” on finding a guy.  When I went into her bedroom, I noticed about ten to twelve bouquets of roses lining some high shelves.  The catch:  these bouquets were dead! 

First, no matter what is in vogue with so-called dried flowers, the fact is that they are dead flowers, and therefore lacking in positive life energy, and therefore not considered beneficial feng shui.  Second, when I asked this client about the roses, she claimed that they were all from ex-boyfriends over the years, and she just didn’t want to part with them! 

Would you rather have these?

These flowers were a symbolic “block” in her life.  I explained to her that these dead roses represented a fear of letting go of the past.  On a subconscious level, was she afraid that she wouldn’t find love again?  Having anything from past lovers can negatively affect future relationships.  Especially roses, the quintessential symbol of love!  Dead roses equal dead love in feng shui. 

I asked her if she was ready to move on.  She immediately said, “Yes!” and we found a huge garbage bag and threw each and every bouquet into the trash.  We were even laughing at the absurdity of it all!  The change in the room was profound.  She couldn’t believe the difference!  It turned out that she was more than willing to let go of the old to make room for the new.

...or these?

Sure enough, within a month’s time, she was happily dating someone new!

Feng shui, of course, is not always so obvious.  Our homes are full of symbols, subtle or not, that are affecting our lives. 

Ask yourself the following questions about your own home:

1.     Is there anything that I have hanging or showing that is from an unhappy time in my life?  i.e. photos from a family trip gone awry or artwork from a friend that betrayed me?

2.     Am I able to find things when I need them?  Every object should have a “home,” or a place just for it.  Hire a professional organizer if you find organizing a challenge.  It’s worth it!

3.     Are my clothes representing me today rather than a past identity?

4.     Is there anything I greatly dislike in my home that I’m keeping because it was a gift from a loved one? 

5.     Are there a lot of broken items or unfinished projects laying around?  If so, make a promise to yourself to get them fixed or get rid of them!

Many times, when we discover what is preventing our wishes from coming true, our desires then come to us easily and effortlessly.  Remove the obstacles and the rest will take care of itself.  It’s like lifting a dam from a river – the good just flows in!

Feng Shui your Love Life...Fast

Another success story!  And this is all it took:

A client called with a quick question.  (Yes, I do Quick Question consultations!)  She was ready to ramp up her love life.  I was already familiar with her home, and after some discussion, I gave her a few tips.  The above shot from her camera phone was the result....and it worked!!!

Here's her testimonial:
Katie can work her magic from afar! I asked her for 15 minutes of guidance about my love life and she led me through a quick exercise. One week later I met the most magnificent man. I would recommend her services to ANYONE.

...and here's to love!

One Client's Feng Shui of Love, Before & After

A Los Angeles client, Laura, recently reached out with glowing reports!  If you question the power of feng shui, question no more.  The proof is the pictures...

Laura had called me for a long-distance mini-consultation -- one room with one goal -- to find L-O-V-E.  Not that she was sitting home on the weekends (or weeknights for that matter).  In fact, she admitted that she had dated over 60 men in the past couple of years!  Her concern was the quality of man that she was attracting, not the quantity.  She was ready to replace her player tendencies, grow up, and find "the one."

Because she shares an apartment, it was easy to hone in on her bedroom, for it's the one place that is all hers where we could go to town with the feng shui cures.

And boy, did we.  The feng shui no-no's were rampant!  Check out these photos she sent me.

where are the bedside tables? and eek, a mirrored closet

this closet could be arranged much better

computer in the bedroom - no!  desk at angle - no!

every item needs a home!

oy, clutter!

this bed could be way more inviting

When I received these photos, I took a deep breath.  You never know if a client is going to "hear" you or not, and frankly, this one was going to take some work.  As a feng shui consultant, I could easily see the issues in her love life from simple things, such as a computer in the bedroom and the lack of two side tables.  Not to mention the disorganization!

Once on the phone, she confirmed my suspicions that she doesn't sleep well at night.  We also discovered an interesting theme: there were little girl images tucked here and there.  These items were sending "Peter Pan" messages to her subconscious.  Hmmmm.

After a juicy chat, including the ins and outs of the types of guys she was dating, I gave her a list of cures not for the faint of heart.  I did not hold back.  She called me for life improvement, and I explained how by simply rearranging her home space, those improvements will come about!

Cut to:  Six or so weeks later.

SUCCESS!

Here's a combo of the few emails she sent:

Hi Katie,

I thought I should update you on what's happening on this end. I'm sure everything is connected, but I dropped all the bad guys and feng shui'd the crap out of my room. Now I have four major job offers, I quit smoking (now on week 3!!!) and have signed up for yoga for relaxation/clarification purposes. Plus, the quality of guys that I'm meeting is much better, but I'm less focused on them. 

...Sleep is a LOT better --- and I feel healthier and less exhausted when I wake up :)

I did not rest until I made everything good! Accenting with red & yellow, bronze & grey!

YOU are awesome. Thank you again for all your help --- didn't realize my life was going to change so much as a result of feng shui! 

...You're awesome Katie and the world should know. I have a sweet new job, a zest for life and have weeded out all the crap men in my life...I know what I want from myself AND everyone else thanks to you and feng shui. For real.

Laura's new and improved bedroom!

Amazing, right?  I LOVE it when a client takes the cures to the next level.  Of course she's sleeping better!  With the more organized space, her belongings are not tugging at her attention anymore when she's going off to dreamland.  The curtains over the mirror help immensely.  And the bedside tables ground the energy of the room and are inviting to a new partner.  And gone were the little girls except for one special one to remind her to keep her youthful spirit.  Much more grown up all around!  

Now, you may say, "Katie, she hasn't met her man yet.  Wasn't LOVE the goal?" And I will reiterate what she and I talked about on our call.  It'll happen, but she obviously (on a subconscious level) wanted to clean her own act up first.  After all, she wants to attract the best guy out there, but how can she when she's not being her best self?  

I look forward to some more emails from her regarding her love life.  I have a feeling she'll have good news to report.  Fingers crossed!  But in the meantime, I'm glad she's enjoying a more healthy, thriving version of herself.

[NOTE: If you're interested in feng shui, send me an email or give me a call.  If you're curious but hesitant, I can answer your questions.  I'm available in person or from a distance, and I customize the session to you.  If you'd rather begin with a mini-session, I'm happy to oblige.  All it takes is the will to make improvements in your life, and I'll help with the rest.]  

More info at  www.katierogersfengshui.com